Why do men cheat?
This a question that has crossed many minds of us women that have had the misfortune of being cheated on.
I read an article a few weeks ago that caught my attention. The title was “Why ALL MEN CHEAT on Loyal Women.” I personally do not agree with the title because, I believe not all men cheat. There are some pretty decent guys out there. The idea that men are incapable of being monogamous is false.
After reading the article I learned that;
“Males” cheat on loyal women to boost their ego. A woman can be perfect for him but he will still cheat. She can be beautiful, has her own money, educated and faithful and yet he will still cheat on her with an “ugly” looking girl.
Question is but why?
As women, we need to understand that how a male treats a woman is NOT a reflection of HER worth. Nor is it a reflection on anything you lack or are not doing. A mentally weak, sensitive-minded male knows he does not DESERVE a strong minded woman. In his mind, he thinks one day she will mentally awaken to the realisation she deserves better and leave him. In a way, males cheat on a woman to have POWER over her. As Steve Harvey said, “Men respect standards. Get some.” Standards and requirements are important because they govern how we will be treated. They are equally as important to the man because, they lay out a virtual map of what he needs to do to make sure you get what you want and need. Some males cheat because we, women, have not outlined what our standards and requirements are. Also, because there has never been a penalty for them cheating. You take him back in hopes that he has changed and this time will be different.
“Mentally mature men have no intention of cheating. Wisdom won’t allow him to commit to a woman if he’s unready to give all his attention to one. Cheating is about control. Cheating is to hold a loyal person’s heart hostage, while one behaves single.” – Ebrahim Aseem
When a woman is cheated on and her loyalty and trust have been taken for granted, we in most cases, feel it is our fault that it happened. You ask yourself questions like:
- What is wrong with me?
- Am I not pretty enough?
- Am I not enough for him?
- Is my ass not curvy enough or is my stomach not flat enough for him?
- Is it my smart mouth?
- What aren’t I doing right?
At this point we make it our mission to try and stay with him to PROVE to him that we are better than the “ugly” girl he cheated with. To prove to ourselves that we can fight for love and we fool ourselves that we can help change a bad boy into a good man. Males use cheating to TRICK a good woman into SETTLING for him. This mind game will not work on a woman who knows her WORTH.
In the book Act like A Lady – Think like A Man, Steve Harvey puts it this way, Men cheat because…
- They can. Regardless of how you want to look at it, men do not view sex the same way that women do. For men when it comes to being intimate, neither emotion nor meaning necessarily enter the equation. Sex can be a purely physical act. Love has absolutely NOTHING to do with it.
- They think they can get away with it. Men think they are slick and will go to great lengths to hide their infidelity from the women. Mostly, men initiate affairs pretty confident that they’re going to get away with it, and most certainly with all kinds of confidence that if they get caught, their denials will see them through. Most times, this does work.
- He hasn’t become who he wants and needs to be or found who he truly wants. This goes back to the way men judge themselves against each other. Men are defined by who they are, what they do and how much they make. If a man hasn’t gotten to where he wants and needs to be, then he’s not going to be ready to figure out how settling down with one woman fits into his plan for becoming a truly independent, mature, well-off man.
- What’s happening at home isn’t “happening” like it used to. The relationship just doesn’t have that spark anymore. The two of you get comfortable with each other. What’s back at home has become routine. The Thank-yous come less frequently, there’s a lot of arguing going on and your home just isn’t feeling like what he signed up for. If he cant get what he signed up for back at the house, he is likely to go out and find it somewhere else, particularly because…
- The Biggest reason of all: There’s always a woman out there willing to cheat with him. Men can cheat because there are so many women willing to give themselves to a man who doesn’t belong to them. Yes, there are those occasions when the woman does not know that the man is spoken for. But, majority of the time, however, these women know they’re sleeping with a married man. These are women with no standards and requirements and who suffer from serious self-esteem issues, making themselves willing to cheat and available to be cheated on.
There are a million other reasons why men cheat. A man is always going to have a reason to justify why he’s doing wrong and this varies from man to man. Regardless of a man’s reasons, he knows that it is wrong to commit to someone and promise to remain faithful and then go against that. We can go over the situation over and over, finding all kinds of deficiencies in ourselves, but the fact still remains that he didn’t have any business cheating.
We as women need to release ourselves from the blame of a cheating man’s actions. Because holding on to that baggage can be toxic and paralyzing. It can cripple you and keep you from performing in your next encounter.
You can limit the amount of times you’re cheated on again. You can raise the stakes on your requirements. If you let a man know upfront that you’ll tolerate a lot of things but cheating is not one of them, then he’s really clear on the fact that if he steps out of the union, he stays out of the union. and if he breaks that promise and steps out anyway? You have to be prepared to let him go and walk away.
MEN RESPECT STANDARDS- GET SOME.