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Departure

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I need to leave again…
I don’t know
How to stay in one place

I need to leave again…
But I’m hoping you’ll
Give me a reason to stay

I need to leave again…
But if I leave this time
I’m afraid it’ll be forever.

 

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Rebel

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They called me Rebel
Because I was such a savage.

Heartbreaker…
Never gave a fuck
I should come with a warning sign,
Or so they said
Feelings were not something
I cared to dabble in

Dangerous woman…
I was once a saint
Turned sinner
Nothing but a body count
Of broken hearts left in my wake

Walking addiction…
One hit and you’re hooked
Use as directed
Misuse always got them in trouble
He was drawn to the trouble
Like a moth to a flame
Never realising that the very same thing
That drew him in would be the cause of his demise

You were good for a while
My little decoy
On some faded love shit
Thought you had me forever
But
Don’t be mad baby
It was nothing personal
You were just another nigga
Off my check list

Thought I was one of them “princess” types right?
The whole nines right?
White horse and a carriage
Relationship types right?
Promise to stay loyal
And we’ll always have each other right?
But you never could imagine
Even the truth was a lie

Temptation…
It’s in the eyes
Slowly look up at you
Enmoured
I can see straight down to your soul
Ready to bear all
Definitely sealed it with my entrancing smile
And that sweetheart is
…The Rebel effect…

Ice cold heart
I dare you an attempt to thaw
Thor?
No honey
Not even the god of thunder
Can avenge that tragedy

There will always be something
At the back of your mind
To remaind you
She.
Will.
Never.
Be.
Me.
When you kiss her,
It’s me you’ll taste,
The irresistible softness of my “lips” that just begged you for more.
Touch her and you’ll feel the gentle curves of my derrière 
Arched back and all.
She may embody some of my good charms, but we are not the same.
She
Will
Never
Be
Me
You know why?
Because those scars on your heart will always be mine.

I’m not her… But HER.

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This piece was written by my amazing sister Emily-Sarah and I felt it was just too good to be kept for myself, I needed to share. Have you ever felt like shouting “I’m not her” to a guy just so that he can understand you are not the same person as the woman who hurt him? This piece encompasses that. Her words spoke everything  I haven’t had the courage to say out loud. I hope you like it as much as I do. Don’t forget to comment and like  😉

I don’t know who hurt you but I’m not her.
I don’t know who made you so distrusting but I’m not her.
I don’t know who made it so that you won’t let anyone in, walls so high they’re almost insurmountable but I’m not her.
I’m. Not. Her.

Tell me why, why you’re so guarded-won’t lay yourself bare.
Why you won’t let yourself be naked-naked in soul.
Tell me your inner most fears, your deepest insecurities, your secrets- I promise they’re safe with me…I’ll be the pages of your diary.

All I ever wanted was for you to be truly happy…
One day you’ll meet her, her who lights up a room when she walks in. It’s like the spot light was created for her to stand in (she doesn’t even need it because she shines from within) and you’re her only audience.

When you see HER you’ll know, she will be what’s been missing. You’ll recognize the same Spirit of God in you in HER. Without words spoken you’ll know that with HER you’re secure, that you can trust HER, that she is and always will be loyal to you, that she will love you without reserve or condition. She will create a haven of peace, she will fight for you with everything and stand by you in everything.

Suddenly you’ll realize that every hurt, every pain, every lie you were ever told, every moment you spent waiting, trusting, hoping she’d show up will be worth it- she is worthy, worthy of your heart, worthy of your love, worthy of you, worthy of all of you!!!

Let HER in, don’t blow it! I know you’re nervous because what if she ain’t the one? She’s probably seen you too by now and feels the same way. She’s prayed for you, for this moment to come. Best believe she’s been hurt too, lied to…pain so deep you wonder how she made it through.
She has Christ in her you see, He mended every part cut open, told her that He’d give her beauty for ashes, the oil of gladness for a spirit of heaviness, that if she drank from His well she’d never thirst again. He restored her and made her whole, whole for you!

She stands firm in her identity in Him, she will not be shaken.  Virtuous, beautiful, bold and balanced. You don’t ever have to worry about whether you’re good enough.

So take the leap, you won’t fall neither will you fail. With Jesus at the centre, what you’ll have is fireproof!

I. AM. HER.

Fiend

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Fiend

I

Still

Fiend 

For You

Even when I know that I really shouldn’t

I

Still

Fiend

For You

Every now and then 

My Favourite drug

Drugs me once again

Like morphine to the brain

You take me on a high

That I can’t explain

Benumbed by this high

Every time that I say your name

Can you feel my pain?

I look at You

I look at us

The us we used to be…

When

We were a team

Before the you the I in between

Before your love was opiate 

And all I was to you was just another fiend

When I still craved your soul and not your being

We were happy

I know we were 

And 

The love we shared

Was like my soul had known your soul lifetimes ago

God, I loved you…

There was no truer truth

Every fiber of my being had love for you

Help me…

I just want to stop the pain

Clenching my pillow to my chest

Hoping it’ll do like you did and just go away

Thoughts of what happened to forever,

What happened to our infinity

Linger.

All the promises broken 

Wishing I did things differently.

Would that even make a difference to you?

I’ve tried to… I really want to…

Pick up the pieces and move on

Instead I’ll just lie here until I don’t have to

And pretend to be strong

With my arms wrapped around myself

Can you hear my silent cry for help?

Lost in my brokenness

Eyes closed hoping to find myself.

Shadow Self

shadow-self

Here I stand
Do you see
A shadow of the person I used to be
A figment of your imagination
You left and left me waiting
Now look at what you’ve created

I barely recognise myself
Can you tell?
Do you see
What you’ve done to me

I saw it happen
Slowly faded to black
Until nothing was left
But you did

Sometimes I have mixed feelings
About that feeling
Then I think about how it gave me healing
Every part of you that disappeared
Took a part of me
Transforming me into someone else
Can you see it?
Reincarnated and rose from the ashes like a phoenix
Swear if you saw me now you wouldn’t believe it
I’m stronger
I’m wiser
I’m tougher
I’m better than ever
You took me apart
I put myself back together

I rebuilt myself
Can you tell?
Do you see

I am the person I was meant to be
You were a necessary evil
For without you
There wouldn’t be me

I am The Shadow of my old Self.

Why Men Cheat on “Loyal” Women

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Why do men cheat?

This a question that has crossed many minds of us women that have had the misfortune of being cheated on.

I read an article a few weeks ago that caught my attention. The title was “Why ALL MEN CHEAT on Loyal Women.” I personally do not agree with the title because, I believe not all men cheat. There are some pretty decent guys out there. The idea that men are incapable of being monogamous is false.

After reading the article I learned that;

Males” cheat on loyal women to boost their ego. A woman can be perfect for him but he will still cheat. She can be beautiful, has her own money, educated and faithful and yet he will still cheat on her with an “ugly” looking girl.

Question is but why?

As women, we need to understand that how a male treats a woman is NOT a reflection of HER worth. Nor is it a reflection on anything you lack or are not doing. A mentally weak, sensitive-minded male knows he does not DESERVE a strong minded woman. In his mind, he thinks one day she will mentally awaken to the realisation she deserves better and leave him. In a way, males cheat on a woman to have POWER over her. As Steve Harvey said, “Men respect standards. Get some.” Standards and requirements are important because they govern how we will be treated. They are equally as important to the man because, they lay out a virtual map of what he needs to do to make sure you get what you want and need. Some males cheat because we, women, have not outlined what our standards and requirements are. Also, because there has never been a penalty for them cheating. You take him back in hopes that he has changed and this time will be different.

“Mentally mature men have no intention of cheating. Wisdom won’t allow him to commit to a woman if he’s unready to give all his attention to one. Cheating is about control. Cheating is to hold a loyal person’s heart hostage, while one behaves single.” – Ebrahim Aseem

When a woman is cheated on and her loyalty and trust have been taken for granted, we in most cases, feel it is our fault that it happened. You ask yourself questions like:

  • What is wrong with me?
  • Am I not pretty enough?
  • Am I not enough for him?
  • Is my ass not curvy enough or is my stomach not flat enough for him?
  • Is it my smart mouth?
  • What aren’t I doing right?

At this point we make it our mission to try and stay with him to PROVE to him that we are better than the “ugly” girl he cheated with. To prove to ourselves that we can fight for love and we fool ourselves that we can help change a bad boy into a good man. Males use cheating to TRICK a good woman into SETTLING for him. This mind game will not work on a woman who knows her WORTH.

In the book Act like A Lady – Think like A Man, Steve Harvey puts it this way, Men cheat because…

  1. They can. Regardless of how you want to look at it, men do not view sex the same way that women do. For men when it comes to being intimate, neither emotion nor meaning necessarily enter the equation. Sex can be a purely physical act. Love has absolutely NOTHING to do with it.
  2. They think they can get away with it. Men think they are slick and will go to great lengths to hide their infidelity from the women. Mostly, men initiate affairs pretty confident that they’re going to get away with it, and most certainly with all kinds of confidence that if they get caught, their denials will see them through. Most times, this does work.
  3. He hasn’t become who he wants and needs to be or found who he truly wants. This goes back to the way men judge themselves against each other. Men are defined by who they are, what they do and how much they make. If a man hasn’t gotten to where he wants and needs to be, then he’s not going to be ready to figure out how settling down with one woman fits into his plan for becoming a truly independent, mature, well-off man.
  4. What’s happening at home isn’t “happening” like it used to. The relationship just doesn’t have that spark anymore. The two of you get comfortable with each other. What’s back at home has become routine. The Thank-yous come less frequently, there’s a lot of arguing going on and your home just isn’t feeling like what he signed up for. If he cant get what he signed up for back at the house, he is likely to go out and find it somewhere else, particularly because…
  5. The Biggest reason of all: There’s always a woman out there willing to cheat with him. Men can cheat because there are so many women willing to give themselves to a man who doesn’t belong to them. Yes, there are those occasions when the woman does not know that the man is spoken for. But, majority of the time, however, these women know they’re sleeping with a married man. These are women with no standards and requirements and who suffer from serious self-esteem issues, making themselves willing to cheat and available to be cheated on.

There are a million other reasons why men cheat. A man is always going to have a reason to justify why he’s doing wrong and this varies from man to man. Regardless of a man’s reasons, he knows that it is wrong to commit to someone and promise to remain faithful and then go against that. We can go over the situation over and over, finding all kinds of deficiencies in ourselves, but the fact still remains that he didn’t have any business cheating.

We as women need to release ourselves from the blame of a cheating man’s actions. Because holding on to that baggage can be toxic and paralyzing. It can cripple you and keep you from performing in your next encounter.

You can limit the amount of times you’re cheated on again. You can raise the stakes on your requirements. If you let a man know upfront that you’ll tolerate a lot of things but cheating is not one of them, then he’s really clear on the fact that if he steps out of the union, he stays out of the union. and if he breaks that promise and steps out anyway? You have to be prepared to let him go and walk away.

MEN RESPECT STANDARDS- GET SOME.

Amor

Love in fantastic triumph sat, 

Whilst four beating hearts around him spoke,

They uttered words of incitement and provoke

to have.

For whom fresh emotion he did create,

They all took to his kindness without haste,

Not once doubting.

They now lay there caressing, laughing, toying,

fondling, kissing and enjoying

The company of their hearts significant other.

Love however warned that this path is not filled with pain or pleasure,

but an excess of them both together.

Then one heart spoke 

“Ah, love let us be true to one another, for the world which seems to lie before us like a land of dreams,

So various,

So beautiful,

So new…”

Coeur Surveillé

I haven’t written in a while, lack of inspiration I would say. Most people would say at the touch of love we all become poets, I guess I’m some what the exception to the rule :). How many times are we scared to fall in love again because we are too afraid to get hurt? We tend to compare our previous partner with our current partner. Which isn’t right because they are two different people. That is what Coeur Surveillé (Guarded Heart) about. I hope you like it. All comments are welcome.

Scars of the past. Bears them on her heart. Bruised and broken, she tries hard not to fall apart. They all come with good intentions… Or so it seems. But memories from before, she craves them like a fiend.

She’s more you than you are. You are more her than she is. In a parallel universe but still seen as one. Unintentionally you hurt her, with comparisons she hurt you.

She doesn’t put walls up because she dislikes you but,  hides behind a guarded heart to prevent any pain that resembled the past.

Boomerang no child’s play.  Her seductive eyes always make you stay. Her beauty… Your demise. Her truth… Their lies. Tainted, she can’t see through the broken glass she calls reality.

Been lied to too many times. Even the truth sounds like lies. Trying to see passed these blurred lines. Hero you try to be. The beauty you see, you try to free. Cut yourself trying to piece her world back together.  Her stormy world you’re determined to weather.

Falling victim to a fairytale.  But the end no one can tell. She knows you are the one. Afraid, she won’t admit. She keeps you around… Safety net.

Alone in the dark. Heaviness weighing on her heart. Freedom is a foreign concept.  Distress and uncertainty are a normality.

The Devil is in the Details

This piece was written by my best friend Daisy. She’s an amazing writer that inspires me to write and really challenge myself. This piece is about Two people who love each other but it’s “complicated”, and how many times has that happened to any of us? I hope you love it as much as I do. Comments and suggestions are welcome.

Afternoons spent laid out on the couch
Bodies intwined, love in mind
TV on, provides the backdrop
Naughty stare, souls left bare
Gentle touch, doesn’t take much

Phone goes off
Sinking feeling, mind left reeling
Undercover glance
Let’s play pretend

Come and pick me up
Get some food, what normal couples do
Play fights, long nights
Oh is this your girl
Awkward silence

Let’s hash this out
Too much compromise, leads to despise
That boy loves you
Yeah but…
He loves her too

Block it out, let’s hang out
Dress to kill
Paranoia, I can’t ignore
Dinner for one, he won’t come

Hey, what happened with you and…
It’s over
You two looked perfect together
Subtle chuckle…
The devil is in the detail

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